my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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