just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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