throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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