thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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