Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
not ubering you a puppy
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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