Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
