I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
