some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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