Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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