doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
