i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
