Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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