I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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