I heard we made out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
