He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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