We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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