I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
