she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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