After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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