So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
