what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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