So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
