If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
