Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
