i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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