I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
