We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
