I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
