his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
