You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
