you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
