I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
