i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Houston, we have a blender
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
