I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
