i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
