apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
