...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
