We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
