She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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