nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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