I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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