we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
