Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My hand turned me down
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
