Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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