Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
