Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
