I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
