I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
