HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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