u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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