And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
