saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
